Constructive Randomness Part 1

Look I have Beeeeeen wanting to get back into writing my thoughts down for quite a bit now. Not sure where this will take me but this is me doing instead of talking about writing again.  By the way I do make up/join words and can ramble to oblivion...

I call her monkey warrior princess because:

*Monkey: She is a child: monkey-see monkey-do , Ifu is playing 90% of the time she’s awake, and it’s a cute word when said right. Hahaha she’s my 2 year old daughter dude!

*Warrior: She is fearless – and even if she was a he, I hope to raise children that continue to be fearless, strong, brave, doers and disciplined.Just a pinch of Warrior tendencies nje.

*Princess: simply and stereotypically this means girl =princess and boy=prince, because she is mine and I consider myself “queenlike” , I live to serve her the best way I can, I love her hard and so forth.

Speaking of, I think some of the parents will relate: I was suffering from “mommy guilt”. Now this started from having to go back to work after maternity leave; that first day at crèche were Ifunanya cried like I was throwing her into a lions den; worrying if the people that look after her…actually look after her; getting sick over not spending enough time with her; the guilt of when I was indulging (Friday night drink with friends),  and making sure she doesn’t kill herself or turn out to be a shitty person. The list is endless! At some point I even felt guilty for her dad being in Australia and worried for her future daddy issues. But I have dealt with the guilt by changing what  I can to not feel so much guilt, make sense of time, what I do and people in my/her life and the roles they play and also accept that which I cannot change. This peace didn't get here overnight and I am sure it will be a "thing" in my life till I die. 

Let me not even get started on the “Mandela pressure.” This has to do with my hero/god complex. Like sa(er)ving the world, Being a life coach, feeding the ego, being part of the good, my sharing nature and all the being spoilty blessed life thus feeling the need to reciprocate awesomess.

I think I will get into  detail in Part 2, when I get into my intrusive persona/ mindfulness/ introspective/ and visions journey.

Here are some not so constructive random pictures.

Love. Live . Learn. Laugh. Let go

Feed Me or Me

Hello - My name is pro-cras-ti-NATION

I can be in charge of all your productivity
I stop you on your way to success, bombard you with hesitation, doubt and laziness.

You feed me because . . .
I say stay, chill, refuckinglax dude.
Sometimes I let you sleep in just a bit longer
motivate you to watch mindless re-runs of the Kardashian Generations what-not self sabotage antics!

Come on dear friend, lets blame the world together 
for all your failures and consistent self pity state.
Now whatever you do, whatever you do...don't tick off anything on your bucket list
Feed me with mediocrity, bullshit excuses and slowly but surely self destruct! 

Hello - My name is Persistence

I can be in charge of your productivity
I lift you higher on the lets-be-awesome ladder, bombard you with assurance, will power and conviction 

You feed me because...
I empower you with a free "don't hesitate" pass
poking the shit out of you to to get up, show up and DO, DO AND DO MORE
motivating all of you to stimulate your body, mind and soul

I will push you out of your comfort zone
to be the best you can be, lets be friends
lets tick of experiences that did and didn't make it on life's "to do list"
come be useful with me, let determination guide you
feed me resilience, some diligence and a shot of advancement
use up all your good good

I am PROCRASTINATION, I am PERSISTENCE
You can choose which one of us you feed.

The best version of myself

I am living to better myself spiritually, mentally and recently physically
I am trying to be the best version of myself 
I used to sleep in my gym clothes and entertain the munchies, no more
Its time I took my fitness, productivity and confidence to a higher level

My current identity keeps changing, evolving
Female first, a body yet to birth more life
A parent, aunt and godmother to play till she tires her kids out
Self employed hard worker that must give her all and
A lover with stamina for RD's arrival

Taking my fitness, productivity and confidence in my hands...balance

douchebag complex

I've been thinking about u a lot lately – I wish u were . . .

I wish u were near me most of the god dam time.

You are present in most of my thoughts about life,

I find myself reminiscing and day dreaming about you – mimicking YOU.

You are such a genuine asshole.

Look at you standing around looking and smelling like cookies and milk

- an orgasm waiting to happen.

Throwing your BLUNT honesty all over the place,

 you are so fucking sincere in your “doings” and “beings”

You’re not just an asshole

But a genuine one at that,

an educated one, a mindful & attractive asshole with majestic tendencies.

(sigh)

I love you!

blunt

conceited truth

For anyone out there that really really knows me... will know that I AM BLUNT! I am too blunt (maybe because I blunt too hehehe) but I've been an honest person for as long as I can remember.

Of course I lie, don't get it twisted, I'm human remember, to a certain degree I believe that some lies prevent hurt, even if they may be conceited. Anyway my point is I have been told and have also seen how my blunt honesty has hurt others because some truth can also be conceited. 
For example a friend asks me if they had lost weight and they haven't so  I naturally said "no I don't think so, infact you gained a few kilos's". You see, I could have simple replied "no". But I went on because I'm blunt - so I thought so anyway, however I quickly realised that continued because I am insecure about my own weight). hahahaha see how that works. Conceited Truth.


I love that I am blunt but I love it more that I am honest. There is but a grey line isn't it = bluntly honest!
Awareness of what you do and how you do things  and why that way instead of that way can open you up to a whole new you, you didn't know existed.

They may be strengths of yours that if not consistently "maintained" can without a doubt be a weakness in costume.

Darlin'Lama - Is born

Chapter 1 | Holy Shit I'm a mom!

So I haven't posted anything in over two years. Do you know the amount of things that occur in that time?


I am a mother | Now you probably wondering why I haven't written some piece about my insane love for my baby. But the truth is I don't think I had fully comprehended what has happened to me until these past few weeks or let alone ....I never made time for anything else besides being a mom (well so  I thought). I've had to prioritise you know!

My princess with my mom - The Woman who taught me how to love and to be loved. I love her sooo much!

On her first birthday

Meet Lil empress Ifunanya Kurhula Ekwegh, born on the 5th December 2011.

I remember hearing her cry as the Doc placed her near my face for this first time, I kissed her lips and a bit of fluid sneaked into my mouth (hahaha its kinda disgusting now that I think about it). Tears dropped down my cheek that even today I am unsure if it was tears of joy or sadness  I had never been so overwhelmed by so many feelings at the same time!

She is my guiding light. The reason I am and will be. You know that saying that giving is receiving  Well its true...by giving life I have been blessed with life, purpose, will, courage, unimaginable love, peace and understanding. I am sure other parents agree that the perspective one gains from being a parent is unlike any epiphany.  I will be forever happy now...NO MATTER WHAT! And when I'm not happy, it wont take as long to jump back into life and be happier even more.

Thank you Ifu for choosing me. I will always have your back!

Righteous Dick - Darlin Lama

Chapter  2 | I am ready for some good loving

I am waiting on some righteous dick.

As a matter of faith based fact Its heard my call Not so long now till it reaches my clit.
Breaking down this here once-a-wall.

The walls of insecurities, doubt, low self esteem, jealousy and mistrust.
Now see all ya'll best believe that RD, Righteous dick, RD also deserves this righteous pu-na-ni.
We have been waiting for each other.

The-time-is-now, the-time-is right

Planets have been aligned for us by our own wisdom, confidence, trust and optimistic new found nature!
Yes you reading this peace-u know u gots MY RD I'm ready, it-is-time

Time for two sure hearts to craft love.
Love that will feel right even when it turns to hatee.
He and I are Righteous enough to be shared.
For as long as we continue to captivate each other through blunt honesty and respect...who are we to deny others of such righteousness.

Tickle my inner child, arouse my womanhood, stimulate my Sigmund Freud, challenge my subconscious, fuel my will and just be “that guy” that enthralls my very being. 
Under my skin Mr RD! Under my skin Mr RD!

Till then, righteous me gives thanks to the now - waiting on your righteous first thrust.

It’s about that time, It’s about that time, It’s about that time!